Wishing and Waiting...

I was not expecting a return to the UK so soon, and certainly not for these reasons. I was devastated. The first time I saw Mum, I barely recognised her. However, I kept at the forefront of my mind that I was lucky enough to make it home, and speak to her and now we were playing the waiting game.

We received some hopeful news that they were going to attempt to feed her via a nose tube - my sister being a nurse told me this was an encouraging sign, and at that point I was willing to cling onto any positivity that I could. It was during this point in my life that I really realised who my friends were. People were offering distance healing, sending us messages of hope, and I was overwhelmed with the support of people around me, a feeling that I will never forget.

There were long days and long nights while my sister and I kept a bedside vigil, until the Doctors and Nurses advised that we were best to leave them to care for her, and so we returned home each night, still sleepless and wondering what fate lay ahead.

We visited Mum every day and blessed the good days and took the bad days as they came. My work was due to start back in Greece and I was torn apart with another decision of leaving or staying.

Many people do not understand my decision to go back to Greece, but I felt I had no choice. I had nowhere to stay in England long term and everything I owned was in Greece. This may seem superficial on the face of it, but if I was ill in Greece, I would not expect anyone of my family to move there for me. There was nothing I could physically do in England except hope and pray. Mum was in hospital indefinitely and was in the best place. The one who I did feel for was my sister who took the full strain, and I will be forever in her debt for this. 

I stayed in England for as long as I could and gave as much support as I could whilst I was there, but anyone that lives abroad will know that at some point you need to return. Its hard and heart breaking and it took every ounce of strength to walk out of the hospital when I said good-bye to Mum, not knowing what the future held. The look on her face that day will stay forever engraved in my mind. i felt terrible, the worst daughter ever. I was panic striken with grief, that no one will ever understand.