A New Dawn... A New Day... A New Life...
... And yes, you guessed it.... And I'm feeling good!
Well thank you to those of you that want to keep reading my blog. Your comments to date are very encouraging!
So, I returned from Kefalonia back to Blighty on 22nd September 2013, feeling utterly miserable and detached from reality. Thoughts of sun, sea, sand, tzatziki and ouzo had been left firmly behind.
I got back into the shake of things at work, the usual mundane every day life. Around me, the air was turning colder, autumn approached, sharply left and winter came. I do relish Winter, it's my second favourite season after the Spring. After all, my Birthday and Christmas feature in December. I remember as a child, I felt cursed for this, having to wait all year round for presents, then sometimes people would double up on gifts, I won't name and shame, but you know who you are! However, I could not help but feel that I was adrift on a vast sea and life was just passing me by in waves to be honest. I was living near Skipton in North Yorkshire, and although in a relationship of four years, I felt very much alone. I felt myself thinking more and more frequently that I was existing rather than living the life that a fit and healthy 36 year old should be.
Change was in the air I felt, but I felt trapped. I was in a relationship, we had a dog, a home, plus all the other things you have together after four years. He was my best friend, but I just didn't love him in the way that I should. We both wanted different things from life, and there was just no chance of us finding common ground. The crunch came when I visited the Doctor for a routine check up and she mentioned children. My partner didn't want them, but I wasn't sure either way, and after being told by her in an unprofessional manner that time was running out for me, it sent me further into a tail spin. Every day was largely consumed by thinking about my direction in life, should I stay as I am, should I get up and go. December was upon us and I had decisions to make, big decisions.
Christmas was a nice affair as usual. Plenty of food, drink, dancing and festive activities and it made me forget for a while about my sombre mood. New Years Eve came with a bang, and although I was trying to be optimistic, I felt worse than ever before. Maybe the impending change of year symbolised more for me than I could know at that time.
THE CHANGE...
All I recall is that on the 1st January 2014 I woke up at about 10am and thought today is going to be the first day of the rest of my life. I had no idea how, but I knew it had to change. From that very point in time, everything happened so quickly I am still feeling the tremors underneath my feet now. By the end of January, I had ended my relationship, moved down to my home town in the West Midlands, left all my worldly possessions in North Yorkshire and started all over again, and if anyone reading this feels like they can't do it, well I tell you now, you can. It was the hardest decision I have ever made, but once my mind was made up it felt I ripped off a plaster and the worst had been done. There were a few people at the time that really helped and made things a lot easier for me, some of them are no longer in my life but I firmly believe people come and go for a reason.
Anyway, so I made big changes, luckily my work was regional based and I kept my job; one less thing to worry about. I moved into my new home without a scrap of furniture but within 7 days, it had already started to resemble a home. I felt a deep sense of achievement with this. Yes, I was still lonely, but I was happy and lonely for the first time in several years.
My one shining beacon was knowing I was going back to Kefalonia in a few months. The 13th May 2014 was firmly implanted at the forefront of my mind and I focused on this to get through the next few months. I asked my favourite aunt if she wanted to accompany me on the trip, she happily accepted and we spent the next 16 weeks planning our holiday to the San Giorgio Hotel in Kefalonia. The time quickly passed, I was blossoming and began to feel like the old Fiona again. Things were going to be okay I thought, I had survived the worst.
The day duly arrived and started with a very sunny morning from Manchester. We had a relaxed trip to the airport and I regaled my aunt with tales of the island, it's rich history and how much fun and relaxation we were going to have!
We got to our accommodation fairly late and ate in the restaurant at the hotel that night, served by a rather nice waiter. We talked small talk, but I recall was more interested in the fact that my IPad would not connect to the internet. Our waiter told me to relax, I was on holiday and to leave the technology behind. I looked up and noticed his perfect smile. He walked off and left us to enjoy our souvlaki and local wine. I was blissfully unaware at the time how that exact moment I had met someone that would completely change the course of my life...
My nephews always keep me smiling :)
Well thank you to those of you that want to keep reading my blog. Your comments to date are very encouraging!
So, I returned from Kefalonia back to Blighty on 22nd September 2013, feeling utterly miserable and detached from reality. Thoughts of sun, sea, sand, tzatziki and ouzo had been left firmly behind.
I got back into the shake of things at work, the usual mundane every day life. Around me, the air was turning colder, autumn approached, sharply left and winter came. I do relish Winter, it's my second favourite season after the Spring. After all, my Birthday and Christmas feature in December. I remember as a child, I felt cursed for this, having to wait all year round for presents, then sometimes people would double up on gifts, I won't name and shame, but you know who you are! However, I could not help but feel that I was adrift on a vast sea and life was just passing me by in waves to be honest. I was living near Skipton in North Yorkshire, and although in a relationship of four years, I felt very much alone. I felt myself thinking more and more frequently that I was existing rather than living the life that a fit and healthy 36 year old should be.
Change was in the air I felt, but I felt trapped. I was in a relationship, we had a dog, a home, plus all the other things you have together after four years. He was my best friend, but I just didn't love him in the way that I should. We both wanted different things from life, and there was just no chance of us finding common ground. The crunch came when I visited the Doctor for a routine check up and she mentioned children. My partner didn't want them, but I wasn't sure either way, and after being told by her in an unprofessional manner that time was running out for me, it sent me further into a tail spin. Every day was largely consumed by thinking about my direction in life, should I stay as I am, should I get up and go. December was upon us and I had decisions to make, big decisions.
Christmas was a nice affair as usual. Plenty of food, drink, dancing and festive activities and it made me forget for a while about my sombre mood. New Years Eve came with a bang, and although I was trying to be optimistic, I felt worse than ever before. Maybe the impending change of year symbolised more for me than I could know at that time.
THE CHANGE...
All I recall is that on the 1st January 2014 I woke up at about 10am and thought today is going to be the first day of the rest of my life. I had no idea how, but I knew it had to change. From that very point in time, everything happened so quickly I am still feeling the tremors underneath my feet now. By the end of January, I had ended my relationship, moved down to my home town in the West Midlands, left all my worldly possessions in North Yorkshire and started all over again, and if anyone reading this feels like they can't do it, well I tell you now, you can. It was the hardest decision I have ever made, but once my mind was made up it felt I ripped off a plaster and the worst had been done. There were a few people at the time that really helped and made things a lot easier for me, some of them are no longer in my life but I firmly believe people come and go for a reason.
Anyway, so I made big changes, luckily my work was regional based and I kept my job; one less thing to worry about. I moved into my new home without a scrap of furniture but within 7 days, it had already started to resemble a home. I felt a deep sense of achievement with this. Yes, I was still lonely, but I was happy and lonely for the first time in several years.
My one shining beacon was knowing I was going back to Kefalonia in a few months. The 13th May 2014 was firmly implanted at the forefront of my mind and I focused on this to get through the next few months. I asked my favourite aunt if she wanted to accompany me on the trip, she happily accepted and we spent the next 16 weeks planning our holiday to the San Giorgio Hotel in Kefalonia. The time quickly passed, I was blossoming and began to feel like the old Fiona again. Things were going to be okay I thought, I had survived the worst.
The day duly arrived and started with a very sunny morning from Manchester. We had a relaxed trip to the airport and I regaled my aunt with tales of the island, it's rich history and how much fun and relaxation we were going to have!
We got to our accommodation fairly late and ate in the restaurant at the hotel that night, served by a rather nice waiter. We talked small talk, but I recall was more interested in the fact that my IPad would not connect to the internet. Our waiter told me to relax, I was on holiday and to leave the technology behind. I looked up and noticed his perfect smile. He walked off and left us to enjoy our souvlaki and local wine. I was blissfully unaware at the time how that exact moment I had met someone that would completely change the course of my life...
My nephews always keep me smiling :)
OMG you need to keep on writing you can't leave us in suspense. We go to San Giorgio pretty much every year. We have fallen in love with the place and of course the Island. Please keep writing xx
ReplyDeleteThank you for your lovely comment Andrea. I agree how special the place is, although it became for special for me this year! Please feel free to share this blog with your friends too. I'd like to inspire as many people as possible.
ReplyDelete